Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
