she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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