I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
