did you get engaged???
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
