Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
