I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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