We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize