Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
