grandma shit on top of the toilet
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
