She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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