so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
