I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
