I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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