All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
