you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
