My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
