Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
