Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
