What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
