You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
