He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
