his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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