I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
