The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
