you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
