I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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