I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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