yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize