I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
