my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
