4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
