'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
