I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
