sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
