We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
