Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your face is a jimmy john
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
why do cheetos always look like penises
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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