She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
