My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
