Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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