I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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