Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
