I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
