I wish I only lived at night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
