Swine flu. Run for my life!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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