did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
