Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
