I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
