I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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