Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
