i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
