Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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