She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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