R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
