when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
