i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize