let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
