He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
