Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
