i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
50% drunk capacity currently
Let's get the cat blown out
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
