Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
