How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize