I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
