It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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