im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
