well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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