I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
