Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
