wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
