His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
